Men, Commitment, and You

Do you tend to attract guys who disappoint you? Who don't call when they say they're going to call? Show when they say they're going to show?

In short, do you attract guys who don't honor their commitments?

And then you look around at your friends, and they attract guys who do what they say they're going to do. Everything seems to go so easily for them, and you wonder what you're doing wrong.

A lot of it has to do with the fact that women who attract men who live up to their word won't waste time with men who don't. They don't need the company that badly.

These women also tend to keep the commitments they make to themselves.

If they say they're going to lose a few pounds, they do it in a loving (and non-punitive) manner, but they do it. If they say they'll make time for exercise, they won't necessarily do two hours a day in the gym, but they will take a walk.

They also treat themselves well. They talk to themselves kindly and find things they like about themselves when they look in the mirror (as opposed to magnifying every fault). They buy themselves little presents without going into debt.

Women who behave this way just aren't used to being treated poorly, so they are not attracted to people who treat them poorly (and, if they are, the allure quickly fades).

They attract and are attracted to men who treat them well and want to make them happy.

If you're not with a guy who makes you happy right now, make yourself happy. Happy people attract happiness. What's more, they attract men who aren't stupid enough to think they'll put up with a jerk who tries to mess with that happiness.

Terry MacDonald is the happily married author of "How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams." Sign up for free dating tips at http://www.marrysmart.com For Dating Advice (Almost) Daily, go to http://www.happygirlmusing.com

Life After Divorce- Surviving Financially

In the first few years after divorce, more often than not, the standard of living of both spouses drops. Why, because the same cumulative income and pool of assets now has to support two households instead of one. Unfortunately, most people don't prepare themselves financially or emotionally for that consequence. So what can you do to better prepare yourself for this inevitability? The answer is simple, but it's not easy to put into practice.

Divorce is an inherently stressful process, even life after divorce can be. To alleviate some of the stress, it's important to be proactive and in control. Here are the "Lucky Seven" things you can do to help prepare yourself for your post-divorce financial future.

1. Expect your income to drop after the divorce is final.

Develop a budget based on needs, not wants. Keep in mind that your expenses need to stay within your post-divorce income. Consider all sources of income -- including spousal and child support, keeping in mind that they won't last forever -- as well as investment income. To develop a budget, use a detailed worksheet so you don't overlook any expenses. The best source for the expense information is your check register, if that's how you pay your bills. Remember that not all your expenses are paid monthly; some insurance premiums or tax bills might be payable quarterly or annually, so make sure to account for those as well. (To help get you started, make a complete list of all your monthly and annual expenses.)

The last step in preparing a budget is to ask a reasonable and critical friend or family member to review your budget and challenge the expenses that seem unreasonable. You have to agree to keep an open mind and not to get mad if he/she challenges one of your items; remember that this person is trying to help you.

2. Consider whether you can afford to keep the house.

In many cases, one spouse -- usually the wife -- wants to keep the house. Though this might be extremely emotionally satisfying, it usually makes little or no financial sense. The equity in the house is illiquid, meaning it won't pay the bills. If it makes sense for one spouse to keep the house, that spouse should pre-qualify for a mortgage before the divorce is final. Sometimes, a divorcing couple will decide that one spouse is going to keep the house; they then take the other spouse's name off the deed. Later, the spouse who wants to keep the house gets turned down for a mortgage because he/she doesn't make enough money to qualify to refinance in his/her name alone. The spouse who is leaving the marital home ends up being on the hook for the debt, has no reciprocal asset, and can't qualify for his/her own mortgage because he/she doesn't make enough to support both mortgages.

To qualify for a mortgage, most conventional lenders use credit and debt to income ratios. Many use a credit score system to qualify applicants; a credit score is based on payment history, amount of credit owing, length of time credit established, number of recently opened credit accounts, and types of credit established. Lenders generally use two different ratios to analyze credit worthiness. Here's how they work:

(1) Housing Ratio = Total Monthly Housing Payments divided by Total Gross Income. This ratio must be 28% or less.

(2) Total Debt Ratio = Total Housing + Other Debt divided by Total Gross Income. This ratio must 36% or less.

In order to qualify for a conventional mortgage, an applicant must have an acceptable credit score and debt-to-income ratios.

3. Know what you have.

Account statements have a way of disappearing when divorce proceedings start. When contemplating divorce, start by collecting statements for all your financial holdings and put together a list of your assets. When negotiating your divorce settlement, this step will prove helpful as a starting point. Here's an example of items you'll need to list on an Asset Worksheet. Remember to note the value of each asset, and who owns what portion of it:

* Retirement Assets

* Liquid Assets

* Real Estate

* Personal Property

* Cash Value Life Insurance

* Business Interests

As you work your way through the asset split negotiations, each asset can be moved to its appropriate column: "Husband" or "Wife". To figure out the percentage split, divide the total for each spouse by the grand total.

4. Consider the after-tax values of your assets.

Accounts with pre-tax contributions and tax deferred growth come with a tax liability. Know what the after-tax equivalent value is before agreeing to take an asset. Having $100,000 in an IRA or RRSP is not the same as having a $100,000 in a checking account. The spouse with the retirement savings plan will end up with the account value minus the tax liability, and the other spouse will have the whole amount to spend.

5. Understand your financial needs.

You need to make sure that the liquidity of the assets you're getting matches up to your needs. Let's suppose you want to keep the marital house, which is worth $300,000 or 50% of the marital estate, as your share of the settlement. Until you take a close look at your long-term financial forecast, you won't know whether you can afford to keep it. Suppose, for example, you've factored child-support payments into your income, after the payments end, how are you going to pay the mortgage? If you have to put the house up for sale in a few years, you may be solely responsible for paying all the capital gains taxes from the time you and your spouse acquired the property until you sold it -- which could be bad news indeed.

6. Don't overlook the value of a future pension.

Any portion of a pension that was earned during the marriage should be included in the marital pool of assets. Pensions can be handled in three different ways:

1. The non-employee spouse can receive his or her share of a future benefit,

2. The pension can be present valued and offset,

3. A combination of 1 and 2.

Your particular situation should determine which option makes the most sense for you. For example, a 32-year-old wife with two young children and limited resources will have different needs than a 55-year-old wife with a career and her own pension. Make sure you're not the divorcee who has a great pension that will pay in 15 years and have no money to pay the bills today.

7. Hire a good team.

Recommendations are a great source for professionals. However, you need to do your homework before hiring anyone. Your team should consist of a divorce lawyer and a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) at a minimum. In addition, if needed, an accountant or valuator can be retained to value a business or do some forensic work. Although you may think that the more professionals you hire the more costly your divorce will be, this is not necessarily true. In the long run, having the appropriate help will cut down on litigation costs, and may save you from making costly blunders regarding your settlement.

For more information on how to get a divorce please visit http://www.lifeaftermarriage.com.

Kelly Kennedy is the Communications Specialist for MindComet Corporation, a full service marketing agency for Fortune 500 companies and international conglomerates. Kelly specializes in public relations strategies focused on personal finance. Kelly has been author to hundreds of articles focusing on finance. She also acts as a contributing author for a wide variety of websites and newsletters. Kelly holds a Bachelors degree in Marketing from the University of Central Florida.

Moving Out Of the Comfort Zone

Have you pondered about your daily activities and progress or by the lack of passion in your life?

You go to the same job every day, even though you prefer to spend your time somewhere else. You do the same chores and run similar errands. You think the same thoughts and therefore feel the same way day in and day out. You meet the people you met yesterday and the days before and talk about familiar topics. And you wonder why you are unhappy and unfulfilled.

You are still where you are, doing what you have been doing and engaging with the familiar group of people because you refuse to move beyond your limitations. You have not had the courage to bring something new into your life and achieve more than what you are capable of.

If you wish to create something different from this day on, you have to let your fears, doubts and uncertainties go. The simplest way to begin is to name your goal and start to do a little something immediately and continue until you succeed.

The worst that can happen is making mistakes. But then those mistakes are better than not having done, learned and achieve anything worthwhile. You will reach a point when you will gather enough experiences to get things right. Can you imagine what would happen, how you would feel, and what you will achieve once you get it right?

So, if there is something that you dislike, you have to start doing something constructive to remove it. Wishing that things would change won't work. Your better tomorrow depends on you. It means making a decision to shift your thinking, habits, and attitudes. It is all within your control. Make Money don't Think About It

Fatimah Musa provides information, tips and quotes to help individuals become aware that any future success starts with their personal growth. You can visit Fatimah at http://www.about-personal-growth.com/

Entering the wedding planning business

You may have seen that movie where Jeniffer Lopez played a wedding planner for one of the biggest wedding planning businesses in San Francisco. While this movie may seem way too much in some aspects, the job of a wedding planner is actually real. There are people out there who do make a decent living setting up weddings for couples who do not have an inkling as to how they are supposed to make their special day become a reality.Entering the wedding planning business is no easy task, but if other people can do it, then so can you. You should start off with an outline of what weddings need. Making a list of the essential elements of a wedding will help you map out your next moves.

You can then start assembling your price listings for certain wedding packages and start canvassing for the needs that come with a wedding planning business.You will need to establish contacts with florists, bakers, churches, reception venues, caterers, dress and gown designers and tux rental shops. You will also need to get in touch with limousine services, bands, ice sculpture makers and calligraphers or printers. You will need to scope out these sources for your wedding essentials and get from them the best possible prices and price listings for the items and services you will need once you have a client.You can always start with a wedding planning event for a friend or a member of the family to get your feet wet, so to speak. You can create a wedding plan presentation for your first client by talking about what they want their wedding to be all about, the color scheme they want and everything else that their big day requires.

You will need to keep track of all that they need and the schedules for the other pre-wedding events and needs, therefore a file folder for the couple as well as a date book is one of the things you need to have. Look through some of the wedding planning sites online to help you gain a little perspective on the business and to help you figure out what your next step will be. Your first wedding planning project may not be as successful as your next possible venture, but don't forget to take pictures of everything you have helped set up to use as an example and a reference for your future clients to see when you try to sell your services to those people outside of your immediate circle.

What you need to create is a wedding program

Even though you downloaded a template from your computer, on the Internet, or something that you simply wrote, your wedding program has to be unique and open to various ideas and concepts. From a formal black-tie affair to a wedding program for a fantasy theme, you should let your imagination run free.Make a mental plan of what are going to do. You then create a simple draft of the wedding program. This will make it easier for you to the final draft. A sample of how you would begin your draft would be to answer a few questions such as where and how do you want the text to look or where do you want to put your photos-should they be on the front, inside the cover or at the back cover.

It is a good idea to leave the back cover of the wedding program free so that you can have it as a sort of Thank you section. As soon as you have sorted these out, you might be thinking of doing the finishing touches and the lettering. These would have to wait.You need to be consistent with your wedding program. Consistency creates a very needed solemn effect to a wedding program. Let's say that you want to invite people with a "RJ and Nadya Joy would like to cordially invite you to attend their granddaughter's wedding," the wedding program should be similar to it. It'll be something like "RJ and Nadya Joy welcome you to their granddaughter's wedding." If somebody has paid for the cocktail and reception, the back cover will have an acknowledgement section reserved for your patrons. You have to remember that you are planning a wedding program. These are one of the important things in a wedding program.You have thought of a theme and you should stick to it.

If you're planning on having an elegant and formal wedding such as a setting in one of the scenes in Phantom of the Opera, the wedding guests should have a slight gist of the theme and, although it is not necessary, they will have be prepared to know what to wear to that effect. Another thought would be to use a similar presentation as shown in the opera on the wedding program. You can also play a similar music as it was played in the opera or something similar to provide an ambiance suitable for the wedding theme. What you need to create is a wedding program that shows the importance of the sincerity of the purpose of the program as well as your sense of innovation. A wedding is one of the most important event in the lives of the bride and groom. It may sound extravagant to others but it quite important for you as the wedding planner and for the hosts as well. The wedding program have to be planned properly.

Consider the wedding gowns

There isn't a single bride in the world that does not think about getting the perfect wedding gown for her wedding. Brides worldwide often have a vision of the kinds of wedding gowns that they see themselves wearing on that long walk down the aisle. With all the designs and styles wedding gowns come in, choosing the right one may take more than just a vision in one's head. It takes a lot of searching and planning and a few consultations with those people who are in the know.When you are getting married and you are out to find the perfect gown for that fateful day, do not settle on the first gown that catches your fancy. There may be more wedding gowns out there that are more suited to what you have in your mind and buying the first one that comes near what you think you want may leave you dissatisfied.

Once you see a gown you like, have the shop owner or designer hold it for you for a few days while you check out the other outlets for other wedding gowns in the other bridal shops within your vicinity. You should also consider the wedding gowns that are flattering to your figure. Despite the fact that you may have an ideal wedding gown all drawn up in your head, you may need to re-assess your wedding gown options and look through gowns that are not entirely what you first thought you wanted but do look stunning on you. You do want to look your best for that glorious day and settling for a gown that you have been pining for but do not look good in is not a good idea. Aside from searching for gowns from these bridal shops near you, you can always look for wedding gowns online. There are hundreds of bridal websites online and choosing the one that you want from these online shops may be more to your liking. You can also get your ideas for the wedding gowns you may want to try on, if you do not have a particular design yet in your mind, from these bridal websites.

You can then print out your top picks and search through the wedding gowns that are being sold in your area for the gown that resembles the ones you picked out online. Always have a gown adjusted to fit you for a more flattering appearance. Do not buy a wedding gown that does not fit you perfectly. After all, how often do you get to take that march to the altar to say "I do" ? When you do so, do it the right way with the best wedding gown that you can find for yourself.

Aside from the wedding music

A wedding is not complete without a source of music and finding the right kind of wedding music and music providers can add that special touch to an already special occasion. Sure, there are people who opt to go the traditional way with their wedding by having an organist play a wedding march for that walk down the aisle, but if you let your creativity loose, you can come up with ideas that will be more memorable and more romantic for this occasion when romance is essentially the order of the day. One option you can choose when you are selecting your wedding music is to have a violinist play a sweet love song or your theme song as you walk down the aisle. You can also have a full string quartet do this for you. Another option that can come across as extremely romantic is having an operatic singer sing a ballad or a tenor to render a romantic foreign language song as you walk slowly towards the altar.

The singer can be accompanied by a pianist or a violinist for a more haunting effect.Aside from the wedding music inside the church or during the ceremony, you will also need to consider the wedding music that you will have for your reception. The usual route couples take is to hire a wedding band that can play all kinds of music for the reception. This is pretty ideal since you may need to liven things up a bit with some dance music to keep people from falling asleep at your reception. While a string quartet may be a romantic idea for the reception, they may not serve to keep the guests lively enough for the celebration.A wedding band or any band you may hire for your wedding music needs should undergo an audition. You should ask the band you are planning to hire for your wedding music at the reception to give you a list of the songs that they can play, or their repertoire. You can choose which songs you want them to play and at what points in the reception's program.

One option you can have is to get them to play your theme song for your first dance with your spouse and another one is to have them play a song about fathers and daughters during the father-daughter dance.Choosing the right kind of wedding music for your wedding is one of the things you should not leave to chance. You might just end up with the wrong kind of music and musicians if you do not take extra care in this essential part of your wedding.